on the late captain grose's peregrinations thro' scotland
    collecting the antiquities of that kingdom
    hear, land o' cakes, and brither scots,
    frae maidenkirk to johnie groat's;—
    if there's a hole in a' your coats,
    i rede you tent it:
    a chield's amang you takin notes,
    and, faith, he'll prent it:
    if in your bounds ye chance to light
    upon a fine, fat fodgel wight,
    o' stature short, but genius bright,
    that's he, mark weel;
    and wow! he has an unco sleight
    o' cauk and keel.
    by some auld, houlethaunted biggin,
    or kirk deserted by its riggin,
    it's ten to ane ye'll find him snug in
    some eldritch part,
    wi' deils, they say, lord save's! colleaguin
    at some black art.
    ilk ghaist that haunts auld ha' or chaumer,
    ye gipsygang that deal in glamour,
    and you, deepread in hell's black grammar,
    warlocks and witches,
    ye'll quake at his conjuring hammer,
    ye midnight bitches.
    it's tauld he was a sodger bred,
    and ane wad rather fa'n than fled;
    but now he's quat the spurtleblade,
    and dogskin wallet,
    and taen the—antiquarian trade,
    i think they call it.
    he has a fouth o' auld nicknackets:
    rusty airn caps and jinglin jackets,
    wad haud the lothians three in tackets,
    a towmont gude;
    and parritchpats and auld sautbackets,
    before the flood.
    of eve's first fire he has a cinder;
    auld tubalcain's fireshool and fender;
    that which distinguished the gender
    o' balaam's ass:
    a broomstick o' the witch of endor,
    weel shod wi' brass.
    forbye, he'll shape you aff fu' gleg
    the cut of adam's philibeg;
    the knife that nickit abel's craig
    he'll prove you fully,
    it was a faulding jocteleg,
    or langkail gullie.
    but wad ye see him in his glee,
    for meikle glee and fun has he,
    then set him down, and twa or three
    gude fellows wi' him:
    and port, o port! shine thou a wee,
    and then ye'll see him!
    now, by the pow'rs o' verse and prose!
    thou art a dainty chield, o grose!—
    whae'er o' thee shall ill suppose,
    they sair misca' thee;
    i'd take the rascal by the nose,
    wad say, “shame fa' thee!”